I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
