A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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