Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
