Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
