Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
