they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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