Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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