I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Randomize
