Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
