I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
