Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
