If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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