She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
