Tell her she can't have a vagina
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
