last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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