Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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