why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
