..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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