Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize