do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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