I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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