Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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