Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
