wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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