you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
