I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize