Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
