And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
