she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
