Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
