I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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