When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
