So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i out mim tonsoeep
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