You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
