Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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