drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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