I puked a lego.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
