Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
