So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
