Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
