do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
