Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
