i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
