I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
