As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize