dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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