actually, I'm a sock model
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
