What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
