I look better un-naked...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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