Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
