I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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