There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
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