Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
