You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
