He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
