dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
