Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
