Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
