In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish you could order shots online.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
