I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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