Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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