And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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