Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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