pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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