i think my tv is drunk
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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