What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize