now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
