oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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