Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
