I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My liver just had a heart attack.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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