I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
