His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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