first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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