i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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