Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
