Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
