My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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