She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
