I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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