i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
