He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
