I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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