Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
