i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
