And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize