I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
