i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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