real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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