My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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