I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
