your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
