3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
