I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
