So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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