Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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