Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
