so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We have started to decorate penises.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
