Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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