I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
