In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
