Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
