Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize