He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
