Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
