If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize