Ambien. No doubt about it.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
