I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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