He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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