Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
