Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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